Jiggled to jelly
Since I’ve reached the stage where putting on my own shoes is a struggle, the DIY I undertook for most of this weekend brought certain problems too. Everything’s fine until I have to bend down, at which point the over-inflated football gets properly in the way, severely restricting lung capacity & making me gasp like a heavy smoker.
Although I’m the man in this household in the DIY domain, I had to get Paul to drill the serious holes as I got it into my head that the vibrations of the hammer action on masonry absorbed by my body coupled with the sound of the screaming power tool’s engine would unstick my placentas and starve the babies a bit like that WMD they (allegedly) developed during some war somewhere. This weapon apparently transmitted a certain frequency of sound that jiggled your internal organs to jelly leaving you no option but death. Rumour has it that development was halted when they couldn’t find a way to stop jiggling the weapon operators to death meaning the tool was somewhat counter productive, killing more of their own than the enemy. A fatally flawed idea. Probably all a load of rubbish anyway. I’ll just look it up and see if it’s true - oh the versatility of the interweb…